Somewhere along the the path of life I left the wide path everyone was following and took up a path where I found myself alone most of the time, but never really lonely.
Upon my birth my polish great-grandmother was ecstatic I was named after my grandfather and I was baptized in the Roman Catholic Church, as she said "my Teddy has returned to the church." The reason my grandfather left the church is because the church would not recognize his marriage to my protestant grandmother. Not thinking too much about it, I grew up in the Catholic faith, made all the requirements of a catholic youth first communion and confirmation. I even graduated from an all boys catholic high school.
I always wanted to be a doctor and help people and earn enough money to purchase my grandmother a brick house, but I was also a young man who enjoyed the pleasures this world offered and as a result I did not study hard enough to warrant a scholarship. At 18 I was faced with a choice, forget college, take a student loan for an obscene amount of money to pay for college or join the service. I chose the marines.
Without getting into to much detail, let us just say I personally seen the evil governments commit in our names, because I was one of the few who committed evil in our names. Trying to make sense of what I was ordered, or asked to do by different players in national security I started to drink, and when this no longer had an effect on me I started to read, and I read profusely. I started with psychology, Freud, Jung, Nietzche and others. When I exhausted the value of these men I started on the esoteric, Tao te Ching, Kabbalah and even the Necronomicon, which lead to the Tibetan Book of the Dead. Still nothing could explain they way my soul felt lost.
Then one day, perhaps out of desperation I read the bible, even though I felt I did not need to because I basically knew it all from Church and religion classes. If there is ever a way to be more wrong, please tell me, because the word of GOD speaks louder in silence than any priest or movie ever can. And it was this voice that called me off the wide path.
Soon I started to read about the history of the church and I became disillusioned with it. The hatred the church has with the Jews gave new meaning to what the Messiah said, "then they shall deliver you up to tribulation, and shall kill you, and ye shall be hated by all the nations because of my name;" Some selfish people have said it is because we are christians, but what if he meant the evil done in his name just as he said. No, you say, impossible, we are chosen. Then I ask why do you allow evil to be committed in your name.
Then Paul. How people love Paul, but how many know not once did he speak in the name of Yahovah, rather Paul always spoke in his own name. But this to the Messiah warned us about, "I have come in my Father's name, and you do not accept me; but if someone else comes in his own name, you will accept him." Yes, it is so much easier to believe in Paul's promises then it is to follow the son of God. That is why I am not a Christian because it has lost its way and follows others.
I realized that I am a pariah, not wanted by neither. I will walk the path so few others have walked, even if I cannot see it at times. I will stumble and I will fall but I will harken to the voices ahead of me.
I can only ask you to love God and get off the wide path and walk the narrow path, trusting only in him who brought salvation into the world. "Go ye in through the strait gate, because wide is the gate, and broad the way that is leading to the destruction, and many are those going in through it;"
Trust in God, not man. God may not answer all your prayers, but if you trust HIM you will be protected in the time that is fast approaching.
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